Internet Rallies Behind Woman Facing Impossible Decision About Boyfriend

A woman’s internal battle about whether or not to end a long-term relationship with her disabled boyfriend has gained the sympathy of Redditors.
In a Reddit post, the original poster (OP), u/ThrowRAsotired123 detailed how her relationship with her boyfriend has deteriorated after an accident left him paralyzed. Now, after several years of emotionally abusive behavior, she took to Reddit to consider her options. Newsweek spoke to author, speaker and social worker Ruth Rathblott about the impossible decision the OP is facing.
In the post, the OP wrote that she and her boyfriend, both 25, had been together since high school. Following the accident, she devoted herself to her boyfriend’s care, even moving in with his parents to help him in his recovery. As time passed, though, her boyfriend’s emotional state took a turn, and he became increasingly distant and hostile.
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Despite the OP’s efforts to remain supportive—attending physical therapy sessions and planning outings, for example—she wrote that her boyfriend’s attitude grew more resentful.
“Now, it’s come to a point where he’s throwing things at me demanding me to leave the room. He’s ignoring me, and when he’s not, he insults me,” she wrote. “He’s even throwing the food I bring him on the floor like a child. He became emotionally abusive, and I’d be lying if I said that I still love him.”
The OP said her boyfriend has been “hurtful” to her for over two years now, prompting her to approach his mother for advice—but that didn’t go very well.
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“His mum immediately got defensive saying that he’s suffered a great psychological trauma after the accident and it’s normal for him to be so depressed,” the OP wrote. “His mum asked me to stay because my boyfriend needs my support, but judging from his behavior he doesn’t want or need me at all.”
The OP said that despite all the pain, she struggles with the guilt of leaving him, afraid she will be seen as abandoning him during such a difficult time.
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The post quickly gained attention from Redditors, many of whom offered their support and urged the woman to prioritize her own well-being.
“Of course, his mom wants you to stay, you’re a free live-in nurse for them,” u/conincognito wrote. “But it’s not your responsibility to give up your life to take care of your boyfriend, especially after he became abusive. You stuck it out for two years, that’s enough.”
Others expressed sympathy for the toll the situation has taken on the OP’s own life and well-being.
“You lost a lot too with that accident,” wrote u/BonAppletitts. “Your future, your life, and the man you loved. You pushed through so much, but even the strongest people need help and support.”
Several commenters who identified as disabled also weighed in, writing that while his anger is understandable, it doesn’t excuse his behavior.
“Paralyzed guy here: you need to break up with him and he needs to hit rock bottom/go to therapy,” u/speedyandspock wrote. “Don’t beat yourself up. This is his journey.”
Social worker and author Ruth Rathblott told Newsweek the boyfriend is likely experiencing various stages of grief about his accident, likely leading to the intense emotions the OP described. That doesn’t mean they are to be tolerated, though.
“It’s important to recognize that the boyfriend is on a journey of acceptance following his life-altering accident,” Rathblott said. “However, this journey does not excuse or allow for tolerance of abusive behavior.”
She said it is important that the OP acknowledges her own needs and seeks support—especially when she is not getting much back from her boyfriend.
“Relationships require two people who are both willing and able to do the work necessary to sustain them,” she said. “She may need to lead the way by taking care of herself first.”
The consensus from both Reddit users and experts seems clear: while the boyfriend’s struggle is real, the OP should not sacrifice her own well-being for his sake, especially when it doesn’t seem he’s quite ready to receive it.
Newsweek reached out to u/ThrowRAsotired123 for comment via Reddit.